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The Nipton Empire

The city of Nipton California is for sale, and I want to buy it! The little hamlet consists of a general store, a hotel, an RV park and a bar/restaurant.
My plan is to buy it and secede from the United States and form my own country. Crazy you say? A guy did it in Australia. Why not me, and why not here? I would OWN the country of Nipton.

First,I would need a title. Dictator? No. Too heavy handed, and subject to coups. President? Nah. The common people (all twenty or so) would probably have an election and vote me out. King? That sounds good. Imagine at the UN: "Now presenting Kevin Parsons, the king of Nipton." But wait! Even better, I want to be Emperor. I don't know of any Emperors. Perhaps that nut case in North Korea is an Emperor. Anyway, I would be lord over an EMPIRE. How cool is that?
First thing I'd do is eliminate crime. Every offense is a capital offense. Spit on the road, littering, it's to the gallows! Yes, I'd have a gallows at the entrance to my country. I figure after the first week we won't need to use it. Voila, no crime.
Next I'd make Nipton a tax free country. We'd get revenue for roads- that is, for THE road- from visitors. We'd charge a tourist fee. And I'd set up a toll station on the highway. I love toll roads when I get the money.

We'd be a no growth country. The twenty or so people that live in the city of Nipton will be the commoners of the country of Nipton. One guy would be border patrol. I'd get him a Smart car. That way if he got into a high speed chase, he could put the car in his pocket and run.
Being Emperor of Nipton would be the coolest. I'd want people to address me as, "Your royal eminence, Emperor Parsons." Even Quilter Girl. Yeah, she'd love that.

Tune in to the next post to see what my ultimate goal would be, should I become Emperor of the Country of Nipton. It will be even cooler.
Meanwhile, I need to score $1,300,000.00.
I know. I'll set up a Kickstart campaign.


Sherry Carter said...

I always enjoy your posts so much, Kevin. Not many things make me laugh these days.

Kevin Parsons said...

What's so funny? I want to be an Emperor. Doesn't everyone?