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The Nipton Empire Part 2

If you missed the last post, you may want to read it first. The nickle tour is this: I intend to buy the city of Nipton California (it really is for sale!), secede from the United States and form my own country. I will be Emperor. All to achieve my ultimate goal (drumroll please)... to compete in the Olympic Games!

I watched the opening ceremonies in fascination as the teams entered the arena in Russia, carrying the flags of their countries (yes, I've already designed my flag).

I decided right then and there that I wanted to be an Olympic athlete.
If I am Emperor, I can send my best candidate- me.
What could I compete in? Granite Curling? Pretty easy, just find a rock and slide it across a flat surface. I could score a rock from Parsons Rocks! (a little product placement there).
But then I'd need two other athletes. ( I love saying 'athletes,' when they are sliding a boulder and sweeping. Do you train by whipping  a broom around the kitchen?)

Biathlon! Yes! What a great combination, skiing and shooting guns. Who thought of that? In the summer games I suppose it could be cycling and beating up a biker. But I digress. All I need is a pair of skis and a gun.

I know you're thinking, 'Parsons, you're crazy. You won't even be close to competitive.' So? I can imagine the awesome interview after the event. Actually, I'll save the interview (with Bob Costas!) for Part 3, our final Empire post.
The Emperor of Nipton, Kevin Parsons, Olympic athlete. I like the sound of that on many levels. Yet still, I need $1.3 million to buy the city.
If I had 1.3 million Facebook friends and they each donated a dollar... done!
I better get to friending.
Or... second great idea... sponsorships! Just like NASCAR.
Stay tuned for the interview.


Mel said...

My dollar is in the mail. Now you ONLY need one million two hundred ninety nine thousand others to send theirs!

Mel said...

It's been a week now. Have you received my dollar yet? Hmmm... you haven't? It must have gotten lost in the Nipton mail!