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California Dreaming

I've learned a lot while working here in California:

If you want to work as a nanny, this is the place to go! Mom and Dad are busy, parked on the freeway while the nanny watches the kids. They have nanny commercials on the radio.

Smoking is really, really bad.
Smoking marijuana is really, really good. It could save your life. They have cannabis commercials on the radio. Ooh, ooh great idea! Nannies with cannabis. Okay, maybe not.

If you're working in a dry creek and spot a red legged frog, STOP! Do not touch it. GET AWAY! Notify the authorities who will take him to a better place. Probably a frog resort somewhere.

Texting is crucial to life. Do it while driving, jogging, riding a bike or probably skydiving. If you're running out of a burning building, take the shot and text it. It could go viral.

Everyone's here. Google, LinkedIn, Facebook, and lots of other computer companies that seemingly have no revenues or value. They reside in huge buildings. Facebook's address is 1 Hacker Lane. Honest.

If you are walking or biking on a path that's under construction and the path is blocked with an orange safety fence, it means nothing. Climb over it. Your time and convenience are too valuable.

We were warned that if we didn't keep copies of the dozen or so permits for our project onsite, it could be really, really bad. We don't know what would happen, but it would be bad. 

Riding your motorcycle between lanes of traffic gives you a considerable leg up on heavy traffic. But it sure looks scary.

I decided if I want respect, I need to live to be 1,073 years old. Everyone loves the Palo Alto tree.

If you want to ride a bicycle- a lot- this could be the place. Bike paths and lanes everywhere.

The BART operator's union is fighting for more wages and benefits. Helloo? We're in a money crunch. Idiots. 

If you'd like to pay $308 fines, this is the place for you. That's the minimum for running a red light.

Speaking of money, what can you do with $600k? Buy a house, that's what! Get one built in the sixties, remodeled five times, with the master bath off the bedroom, except you must go through the kitchen. I found a 2,000 s.f. condo for $1,250,000. Two bedroom, no garage but two parking places, and $770/month HOA dues. What a deal.

And of course, California is a great state to move to, get a great job, make a hundred grand a year or so, and wonder where it all went. It went everywhere.
But is sure is beautiful. 


Mel said...

You said, "Riding your motorcycle between lanes of traffic gives you a considerable leg up on heavy traffic." I say, "Anyone choosing to ride between lanes of traffic SHOULD have their legs up... near the fuel tank or handlebars. That way they'd be less likely to have them broken... or torn off altogether."

................................ Kevin Parsons said...

I realize no one ever opens their door in traffic, but they could.

Anonymous said...

Love this post. Pot smoking nannies and old trees. Why are you looking for houses on Cali????

................................ Kevin Parsons said...

I'm working here for a few weeks, so I always check out housing prices and observe the insanity.