Naked Breakfast

Those pesky kids. They keep coming back, don’t they? “Back when I was a kid, we moved out when we were twelve! We had a pillowcase and a peanut butter sandwich and we never looked back.”
Now, the boy is forty- five and alllmooost has a job. You just can’t get him out of the house. Or her. Or him, her, the grandkids, two nephews and three dogs. It’s an adult day care!
Never fear, Kevin is here.
We’ll get that Empty Nest Syndrome thing going for you! Just follow these simple steps.
First the kids must be moved out, at least for a short period of time. To get them out of the domicile once, there are plenty of clever ways to accomplish this.
Set off the smoke alarm. When they run out of the house, change the locks.
If possible, send Little Miss Mooch to get the mail. Change the locks.
Send them out for pizza. And you know what to do. Move to another state.
Don’t listen to them banging on the door with all their emotional blackmail, saying things like, “I don’t have a jacket!” Or “My purse is in there!”
When you’re ready, invite them in for tea. Tell them they are welcome to come back to live with you, but since they left, you’ve started a new family tradition.
Naked breakfast.
Yep. Since they are gone, you’ve enjoyed a new sense of freedom never experienced before. And you’re not changing. They are welcome to join you, and you would love to have them move back.
They will run for the door!
See? You didn’t have to nag, berate, threaten, or pressure them.
If they call your bluff, sorry. That’s beyond my job description. You’ll probably have to pay a kidnapper to take them. Then don’t pay the ransom.

Some advantages of Naked Breakfast;
You won’t spill food on your clothes.
Your feet won’t scuff the floor.
You won’t get your cuffs in the Frosted Flakes.
Easy to shower after breakfast.

Some disadvantages:
Cooking bacon.
Spilling hot food.
Spilling cold food.
Spilling anything.
Windows visible to the neighbors.

Okay perhaps an actual naked breakfast isn’t the most practical solution.
But just the idea of it could send those kids a running!