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Confessions of a Life of Crime- It Ain't Over Yet!


My crime spree continues. If you missed it, you can look it up under 'Current Stuff', 'Confessions of a Life of Crime.' Or, read the nickel tour:
Some time in January of this year, I got a ticket for an illegal u-turn in the stupidest place. If you don't make the u-turn, you must wander through a WalMart parking lot, cross a curb into oncoming lot traffic, and squirt between a couple of buildings. So, doing the smart thing, I got a ticket. All right. It was a stupid thing.
Gave the ticket to Whiplash McCracken, ace attorney who stands for truth, justice, and the American way. Actually, he gets it reduced to a parking ticket.
Whip drops the ball.
I receive a bench warrant- 'failure to appear'- on May 17th.
Whip picks up the ball to fix it.
June 7th, (my birthday!), I'm driving with a bench warrant and get pulled over for tabs expired- six months! The cop writes me a ticket and that's all. Whew!
Apparently, the city of Henderson doesn't talk to the State Patrol, so my life of crime goes unabated.
Ol' Whip fixes the warrant and the u-turn.
I decide to do the righteous thing and pay this ticket. On June 7th,I go downtown, feed the slot machine- I mean, the parking meter, and get a number. Wait an hour. Get called to the desk. Present the ticket.
"We haven't received the ticket yet. Come back in a month."
What? You must be kidding me.
August 24th, 78 days after the ticket, I do it all again- smarter this time. I arrive early, at 9:03 a.m. Draw a number. B207. Look up. B143. B143??? Is this a joke? There are 67 people ahead of me?
Yep.
Wait an hour. Get called. Present the evidence.
"We haven't received the ticket yet and can't procees this."
I turn and leave, quite angry. Then I realize it.
I'm a criminal again!
The meter was only for forty minutes.
If I have a parking ticket, I am REALLY going to be mad!
"Whatever happened to due process? 'A fair and speedy trial'?" I mutter as I turn the corner and look at the windshield of the little yellow car.
No ticket.
Whew. At least I skated on that one.
However, I give up. I'm sending the tabs ticket to another attorney.
We will fight it.
Truth, justice and the American way!
Or get it reduced.
The life of crime continues.

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