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Confessions From a Life of Crime, Part II

I stared at the flashing lights in my mirror.
You have got to be kidding me!
The State Patrol car merged behind me on the fast lane on the freeway. The speedometer indicates legal speed. Since I have an outstanding Bench Warrant (See ’Confessions from a Life of Crime’) I have been particularly observant of traffic laws. Or so I thought. After a couple miles of following, he had hit the lights.
Now what happens? The warrant is from Henderson. Do they communicate with the state cops? Will he impound and tow the car? Am I going to jail? One call. Do I call my wife, or the notorious attorney, Whiplash McCrakken, whose incompetence has launched me into a life of crime? What will bail be?
“License and registration please.”
And so on. Honestly, I’m rather familiar with the drill. Until…
“Do you realize your tabs are expired?”
“What?” I am flummoxed. Simply astounded. He heads back to his car.
How could we possibly have missed the tab renewal? Isn’t this how notorious criminals sometimes get nabbed- the smallest thing can wreck the entire house of cards?
These guys always take forever. He’s getting the record, confirming the insurance, locating a tow truck. No, please God, no.
Ol’ Whiplash is done. I wrote and faxed him a letter, talked to Gladys Finkbottom four times last week, and then sent a terse letter by fax and snail last Friday, and nothing! Now I’m going to hire another attorney to protect me from this attorney. Aaahhh!
I had a choice- ride the bike or drive the car, and chose the latter because the temp is one hundred eight degrees. What are the chances of a cop merging behind me? Well, here we are… and here he comes.
“Mr. Parsons, if your tabs are over three months expired we can impound your car. Since yours are expired over a year…”
Over a year! This is crazy! How can this be? It sounds for sure like I’m getting a ride with the man in blue.
“…but you seemed genuinely shocked that they were expired...” You got that right!
“…I’m letting you off with a citation. You take care of the registration, and appear in court on the date noted.”
I can do that!
Isn’t this how notorious criminals sometimes get away- the cop misses the biggest thing and the house of cards remains intact?
So much for driving to Writer’s Group. I’m turning this car straight around, and back to the garage.
Besides, the group meets at Saxby’s. In Henderson, where the Bench Warrant was issued.
Two days later… after hiring another attorney to work on the bench warrant- and of course, getting the car smogged and renewed (super ‘duh’ here), Gladys calls.
“Kevin, we took care of the warrant.”
Just like that?

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