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I asked the little Woman if I should rant on this blog. She reluctantly thought once a month would be tolerable, but ‘keep the rest positive’. Breaking with a lifetime of tradition, I’m going to listen to her.
So, what to rant about? Surely something big. Is global warming a hoax, or is Barak Obama the Antichrist? No, those are too easy. Yes and yes. Let’s rant about something really big.
Coke and Pepsi.
I told you it was really big.
Those two have been at each others’ throats for decades, and spend countless millions fighting for market share. Wait. That’s their problem.
Market share.
What happened to us consumers? Exactly. Let me demonstrate.
The Little Woman and I go out to dinner. I look at the menu. The waitress approaches, and asks us for a drink order. Let’s see; there are one hundred wines, dozens of beers, and one brand of soda.
Coke.
Or Pepsi.
See how they fight? I couldn’t even put them in the same paragraph.
So, I ask for a Diet Pepsi.
“Sorry, we only have Coke products.”
I sigh and order a Diet Coke.
Big mistake.
See, the big guys make deals with the restaurants, and some convenience stores. They offer them incentives (i.e., money, or discounts) to carry only their product and ‘screw the customer’.
They don’t say that, but that’s exactly what happens. That’s market share, not consumerism. Why are they so afraid of us consumers buying and enjoying the product we like?
I say, let’s stand up to them! Here’s what to do. First, go to a restaurant. Don’t make a special trip, just go. Like normal. Peer at the menu. Here she comes. She asks for your drink order. Even if the menu says, ‘Coke’, you ask.
“Do you have Diet Pepsi?”
“Sorry, we only sell Coke products.”
Big smile. “No problem. I’ll have a water. Oh, and could I have a lemon in it? And could you bring a separate glass of ice? Thank you so much.”
Now, instead of selling Coke, they are selling- nothing. That’s way bad, because they make a killing on the sodas. Worse yet, they are giving away water, with lemon, and an extra glass, no less. Maybe now they’ll get the message. Because… (cue the music):

Oh beautiful, for spacious skies,
We are Americans
For amber waves of grain,
And we are free
For purple mountain’s majesty
And we deserve, no we demand choice!
Above the fruited plain.
The freedom to choose
America! America!
The pop- or soda- whichever you like to call it
God shed his grace on thee.
Without caving to those corporate tyrants
And crown thy good
Because we stand for freedom
With brotherhood
Brotherhood, right
From sea to shining sea.
And soda or pop as we see fit!

(Musical interlude)

So there it is, my friends, and when you feel beat down, and overcome by giant corporations moving you around like chessmen (Cue verse two):

I’d like to see the world grow up
Because in America
All standing hand in hand
We like to- wait a minute-
And hear it echo through the years
That’s the Coke song!
For peace throughout the land
Stop. What are you doing in my blog?
I’d like to buy the world a Coke
Stop. Stop! It’s supposed to be America the beautiful!
And keep it company.
I demand you stop. Sherri! Get me a Pepsi to pour on this keyboard!