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50 States, Special Feature

  Special Feature: WELK Radio



We rode along highway 101 in Northern California and the sign read, 'Elk Information, Tune Radio to 1610 AM.'
I turned on the radio and dialed in the station:


"Welcome to W E L K radio, 1610 on your dial, I'm your host, Brad the buck. Local news includes this update: The Elk Meadow Day Use Area has awesome grass this year. Artie claims that due to so much rain, the grass is high and moist. Contrarily, the skunk cabbage area has been declared bad for us elk, just too wet. 
"In breaking news, Jake and Elroy got into a racking fight over Dorothy the Doe, Jake claiming first dibs and Elroy challenging. They stood apart, nostrils snorting, then bam! The racks clashed. Let's get the details from Filbert, our onsite reporter:"

"Were were all just standing there grazing and Elroy threw down and challenged Jake. Any Elk with half a brain knows that Jake's got the rack. In fact, the does are always talking about his rack-"

"Filbert, Brad here. Easy son. We don't want the FCC coming down on us."

"Right. Sorry. Anyway, last we saw, Jake took off with Dorothy."

"Thanks Filbert. And now a Community Update. Elk Prairie needs your help. Daisy Doe said only five elk showed up to graze, and the tourists got bored. Come on, Elkies, we need some help there. Daisy said she's eaten so much grass that no one will see her ribs and they can't do it alone. So let's get out and give them a hand.
"Another community update. Buford Buck reminds us to get out of the park and graze. Get those hunters all excited. But hunting season starts in September, so then remember to stay in the park. Buford says we can read the signs, so don't do anything stupid.
"Oh. We've got more breaking news. Filbert?"

"Yeah, I just got word that Milt got hit by a pickup. And once again it's a hit and run. It's a white Toyota Tacoma, California license number CRT1285. Anybody sees it, feel free to rack him."

"Okay, thanks Filbert. Keep an eye out, Elkies. 
"It's the top of the hour, and it's time for your favorite segment. We've got the bubble machine going, the band has warmed up, and your host is standing by. Let's hear it for Lawrence Elk."

"All right, bucks and does, tonight we're going to play an old favorite, made famous by Julie Andrews. Ah one, ah two, ah three:"

"Doe, a deer a female deer-"

Click. 

I shook my head. California. It just keeps getting weirder. 




2 comments:

Lawrence Elk said...

Sorry to rain on your little elk story parade, but male elk are called bulls and female elk are called cows.
That'll cost ya a buck... DOH!

---Lawrence Elk

................................ Kevin Parsons said...

D'oh is right! I feel like such an idiot. I apologize Larry- er, Lawrence.
KP