50 States West Memphis, AR to Nashville, TN 237 miles
"The miracle is this -- the more we share, the more we have."
We rode to Nashville. It was cold and clear. So...
I decided to change it up a bit and do an interview with the bike-get another perspective of the trip. Here it is, uncensored:
Kevin P.: Thanks for agreeing to the interview. First, tell us about yourself.
Gold Wing: I'm a 2010 Honda Gold Wing. I was built in America, the last year we were. Now we're built in Japan. So I am pretty special.
KP: How many miles? What color are you?
GW: Oh, 34,000 miles. And I used to be a gorgeous charcoal grey metallic, but now...
KP: Go on.
GW: Well... Now I look like a cheap French prostitute.
KP. I wouldn't say that. Particularly since you're painted red, white and blue. Very patriotic.
GW: Okay, a cheap American prosti-
KP: Now come on! People like your vinyl wrap. They take pictures.
GW: Oh, sure, they take pictures of hookers too.
KP: Okay, let's-let's move on here. So you're on an Adventure.
GW: Yes fifty states in fifty weeks. Kevin and Sherri seem to be enjoying themselves, but I have to pull that beastly trailer.
KP: You don't like the trailer?
GW: Oh, please! At the bike shops the other bikes call me 'pickup truck' and ‘Motobago.' And when I'm parked next to a Ford F250, snickers at me and says I'm pulling a mosquito. It's the worst of both worlds, I tell you.
KP: Seems honorable to take all that gear and haul it around the country.
GW: Oh really? Have you read the Owner’s Manual? It states, 'weight limit, 350 pounds.' And between you and Sherri-
KP: Easy there-
GW: and all that junk you're hauling, I'm about ready to cook my clutch, I tell you.
KP: Still, it's an enviable life.
GW: Gold Wings are supposed to be refined, with understated elegance. Look at my lines, my fairing; sweeping, subtle beauty. We look like the Beverly Hillbillies. Campgrounds, I tell you. I used to have a great life. Back with Steve, my original owner-
KP: Don't go there-
GW: who rode me only on nice days and waxed me and stored me inside.
KP: We've stored you inside. At the Rowe's house in Minnesota.
GW: Oh wow, two days? Three? Look at my plastics, they're fading. You could have at least brought a cover.
KP: There's no room!
GW: Oh no? Well you've got room for a steel sewing machine.
KP: Don't drag Ethel into this.
GW: I miss Steve.
KP: Steve Steve Steve. It wasn't so great you know. Face the facts.
GW: What facts?
KP: Steve left you for a Harley.
GW: You! He did not.
KP: He traded you at the dealer in Ames, Iowa. That's where we got you.
GW: You! You... You keep this up and I'm going to blow a head gasket. It was better with Steve. He bought a full service contract. When was the last time you washed my wheels?
GW: They are covered in brake dust. It's shameful. I want Steve back. I want my wheels washed. I want my charcoal grey paint back. I want-
KP: You want you want you want. What about my needs?
GW: You need to break out the Mother's.
KP: Don't bring my mother into this.
GW: Mother's Aluminum Polish. You are pathetic.
KP: We don't have time for polish.
GW: Oh, no we don't. You're right because we're busy riding in every horrible weather condition, terrible roads, day and night.
KP: Now you're exaggerating. We don't ride nights.
GW: I'll give you that. But we've ridden some. And I tell you, it scares the footpegs off of me, wondering if we'll hit a deer.
KP: Come on, I think you're looking at this trip wrong.
GW: Oh, sure. I'm just supposed to rack up the miles, wear out my bearings, and what? End up in a recycling yard?
KP: You're still young.
GW: What? These are hard miles. Have you seen my rear fender? Cracked! From the trailer hitch breaking off, for crying out loud! Gouges on the saddlebags...
KP: Oh, here we go. The crash in Colorado.
GW: It was horrible. Why would you ride me in snow? And then the pickup hit us-
KP: Bumped into us, come on-
GW: And wouldn't you know it? A Ford F250. I see a Ford pickup now and my tires wobble. I have 3/4 ton Ford nightmares.
KP: Settle down now. Surely you enjoy some aspects of the trip. When we drop the trailer and ride through winding roads, woods on either side.
GW: I'll give you that. But I miss Steve.
KP: Get over the Steve thing.
GW: Maybe... if you'll clean and polish my wheels.
KP: Okay. I didn't know it was so important to you.
GW: You're insensitive.
KP: Okay, this interview is over.
GW: Get some polish. Hurry. And for heaven's sake, get a hair dryer and take off this hideous wrap.